I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
