but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
