I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
