well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
two words...techno handjob
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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