I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You are the jesus of drinking
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
