i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
