Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I want is dick and wine.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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