My brain says no but my pants say off.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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