On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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