Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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