I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
