I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
