Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
no you cant smoke seaweed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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