Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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