Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
