cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
NoShamevember. You game?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
