He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
