Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
