dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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