if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sorry about my life...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
