ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
