So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Rumble strips road head = magical
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
