Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
