I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
