party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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