I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
