Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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