Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
