you have to choose: penises or morals?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
