What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
