i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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