i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
