Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
