Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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