she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize