Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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