am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
