you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
