Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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