also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
