He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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