Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
