tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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