Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
