I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
