i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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