I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize