hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
