my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
