so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
