OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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