haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
