So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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