I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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