I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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