Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
