the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
