If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
