im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
