I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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