Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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