Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
