How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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