You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
