Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so let's talk penis.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
