u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All the doctor said was why
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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